How to make friends (and keep them)

Moving to a new country can be intimidating. Many students leave behind friends and family and start over in a new city. This is especially true for students studying abroad. Finding new friends can feel daunting, but there are many ways to build a new community.

In episode 18 of Tiksu to UniTartu, Vincent Arata speaks with two international students, Juliet and Amina, about how to make friends in Estonia. Juliet is from Finland and is a master’s student in Estonian & Finno-Ugric Languages. Amina is from Azerbaijan and is a PhD student in the Engineering and Technology programme, specialising in Molecular Biotechnology. She also completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees at the University of Tartu.

When Amina moved here, she experienced quite a culture shock. Azerbaijan has a lively, vibrant culture, so she was surprised by the quiet and reserved nature of Estonians. The first months were challenging as she adapted to the local culture. She learned that friendships grow slowly, and Estonians often need time and space before close friendships form. Small talk is not common, but she notes, “First conversations tend to be meaningful. Once you warm up to each other, Estonians are genuine and supportive.”

By contrast, Juliet grew up visiting Estonia, and because Estonian and Finnish cultures are very similar, she did not experience culture shock. She agrees with Amina, though, that it takes a while for friendships to form and that making acquaintances is much easier. For her, having a hobby helped: she met most of her friends through climbing. She says, “If you keep showing up, people recognise you, and conversations start.”

For many people moving to a new country, not speaking the local language can feel like a barrier to making friends and starting new hobbies. Both women note that in Estonia, many hobby groups and activities are run in English, and that many Estonians are comfortable switching to English to include international students, but Amina still recommends learning an Estonian phrase or two.

When Vincent asks about chatting to strangers, noting that Estonians are often seen as unapproachable, Amina says she does it all the time in the right context. She also remembers how shy she was as a new student and makes an effort to seem approachable. Juliet says that the stereotype that Estonians never approach strangers is not true and adds that Estonians have approached her before.

Vincent then asks what tips the women would give their younger selves about meeting people. Amina encourages listeners to socialise, and recommends going out, attending ESN (Erasmus Student Network) events, people-watching in cafés, and joining cultural events. Juliet says that Facebook is a great resource for finding local events and hobby groups – even going alone can lead to being swept up in a new group. She suggests picking events that match your interests, so you can find your people.

The conversation then turns to classes. Both Juliet and Amina have found friends through their studies. Amina’s bachelor’s cohort was large, with over 60 students, and very international. She found that connecting to her colleagues through labs and projects was easy. The university also hosts lots of student events that have introduced her to people outside her programme. Juliet found connections through language studies. She participates in language tandems, where she teaches Finnish to someone who teaches her Estonian in return, and says it is a great way to meet people and make friends. Estonian language courses are also an excellent way to meet other international students and immigrants.

Both students also find community with other students and residents from their home countries. Amina notes that there are many more Azerbaijanis here than when she first came to Estonia. Now, when she hears Azerbaijani on the street, it is an instant connection. Juliet has similar experiences. There are many Finnish students in Tartu – the veterinary and medicine programmes are very popular. Sometimes she just hears Finnish and starts a conversation – one of her closest friendships began that way.

The episode also touches on dating. Both Amina and Juliet have used Tinder to explore the dating scene in Tartu. Although neither of them has found lasting love through the app, they have both had fairly positive experiences. For a date, Amina recommends taking your date to the University of Tartu Botanical Garden or Café Mandel. Juliet finds Tartu a perfect place for a low-key date, and suggests walking along the river Emajõgi, and then heading to a café or bar for a drink.

While finding new friends can seem difficult, there are many opportunities to make new connections with people in Tartu. If you know a few phrases in Estonian, locals may warm up to you, and there are many international and cultural events to attend as well. From starting a conversation with a stranger to finding community with other international residents, there are endless ways to meet new people and form new friendships.

Listen to the "How to make friends (and keep them)" episode of the Tiksu to UniTartu podcast: